Ralph Berrier

Riffs, the regional music scene as heard by The Roanoke Times reporter Ralph Berrier, will appear weekly on Sundays.

Recent columns

• It's a hefty price, but Krauss, Plant will be worth it
• Even Charlottesville's scene can hit a sour note
• The Great Outdoors of music festivals
• Rock 'n' roll is immaterial, girl

Holy Hannah Montana! Miley Cyrus has ... um, shoulders. And a back.

Wow! Who knew?

Apparently, Disney didn't.

You'd think a company that's allowed a cartoon duck to waddle around pants-less for nearly 75 years wouldn't let a bare shoulder ruffle its feathers. Yet, Disney quacked and flapped over photos of Cyrus shot for Vanity Fair by famed celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz. The portrait in question reveals a bare shoulder and a peek of a bare back of the 15-year-old star of Disney's "Hannah Montana."

Disney was outraged. The Mouse squad believed Leibovitz had taken advantage of an unsuspecting teenager -- even though Miley's parents attended the shoot and got to see the digital images almost as soon as they were snapped. Disney's bosses were outraged at the sight of Miley's shoulder, believing that every inch of flesh should be covered at all times (that's why they call them "the suits").

Controversy ensues. Apologies and retractions abound. Cable TV and entertainment Web sites wig out.

All of this will be good for everybody, of course. The June issue of Vanity Fair will sell faster than "Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds" movie tickets. Miley will win new fans, some for her newfound edginess, some for her perceived victimization at the hands of a malevolent magazine. Disney will probably acquire Vanity Fair in some mega-merger (if it doesn't own Vanity Fair already).

The hype machine did it again.

When it comes to hype consumption, there are two kinds of consumer.

There are those who believe all hype (especially entertainment hype) is completely contrived and calculated for effect and believe that hype is partly responsible for our downfall as a nation and a main reason why the Chinese are going to own us.

Then, there's everybody else.

We Americans respond to hype like dogs to dinner. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy ... more, more, more, now, now, now! When's Britney gonna be on TV again? What was Paris wearing at Coachella? And did you see that picture of Amy Winehouse's FEMUR? Geez, girl, have a snack once in a while!

You can probably guess which camp I pop a tent in. I start campfires by rubbing People magazine and Entertainment Weekly together. I'm all hyped out.

Yet, the hype machine churns and burns. Here's my list of the leading "hype-over-substance" issues facing the country today:

"American Idol": Ratings are down, fans don't like the musical choices, and even Paula Abdul has stopped paying attention. Yet, there are still people in this country who did not vote in their local elections on Tuesday who nevertheless thought their vote for Jason Castro could really make a difference.

The Internet: Was it really only five years ago when the Web promised to take commerce, education, news gathering, information and politics out of the hands of the rich and powerful and put them into the hands of the citizenry?

Today, the economy's in the tank, we're as dumb as ever, and the Web now exists mostly as a means to comment about "American Idol" and to look at dirty pictures. Occasionally, the Web comes in handy for worthwhile reasons, like when my mother needs to send me a link to a video of a Korean child singing "Hey Jude." Cute!

The Democratic Primary: A contest waged to bring about historic change has disintegrated into a politics-as-usual war of attrition, filled with racism, cronyism, religious zealotry and mudslinging. Hey, I thought it was just white guys who did that!

SportsCenter: A once-proud program that peaked about the same time Hootie and the Blowfish topped the charts (wasn't it cool when Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann were in the video for "Only Wanna Be With You"!) is as tired and old as an aging slugger who can't get around on the fastball anymore.

Indie-Rock Bands Named After Bears: Grizzly Bear, Polar Bear Club, Minus the Bear, Panda Bear and the all-inclusive Mostly Bears are mauling my XM Radio. You could expand the list to other members of the animal kingdom -- Caribou, Mountain Goats ... is this a music club or a wildlife preserve?

I could go on forever with this superb, smashing, hotter-than-hot list I've created. Am I overhyping it? Guilty. Because when it comes to hype, I'm over it.