Monday, January 18, 2010
Weighing in on the year so far
Ben Beagle
The aging, semi-hysterical retired reporter rides shotgun with the greatest station wagon driver of them all down the rocky road of life. Mondays in the paper's Extra section, steady as she goes.
Recent columns
Depending how you look at it, this year so far has been, as my daddy used to say at the poker table: "Some's better and some's worse."
Worse: For former Redskins coach Jim Zorn, who was fired by the organization at 4 a.m. on a Monday after the team lost again.
I mean we all realize that professional football is not in the win-one-for-the-Gipper mode, but they could have given Old Jim a chance to have a coffee and Danish pastry and brush his teeth.
I mean, this is an outfit that paid a defensive end who is roughly the size of Goliath and who spends a lot of time limping to the sidelines. Kind of makes it hard to sing "Hail to the Redskins," doesn't it?
Ben's 'better'/'worse' list
Among the better is the fact that I was not killed when I tripped and fell down the steps at home. Ask the Cave Spring and Back Creek rescue squads -- both of which are among the better, too -- if you don't believe me.
Also among the better is the fact that I have been able to resist this jaw-chin reduction machine on television.
Marie Osmond's spiel for weight loss easily gets a worse, as well as Osmond herself. Who cares what she weighs?
She ought to be careful and remember what happened to Kirstie Alley.
In the better category we have Hanes dropping Charlie Sheen in its TV ads because Charlie has been a bad boy again.
Attendance at a bordello, however, shouldn't be compared with threatening your wife with a knife.
A decent society will no longer be burdened by commercials in which Charlie assures Michael Jordan that he, Charlie, is wearing shorts that don't "ride up."
Worse in our classification is this aging Southern woman on a lengthy TV commercial who quit smoking with the help of Chantix.
Listen, lady, I will defend Southern womanhood to the death, but I quit on Nicorette and willpower. And I say, ma'am, with the hope of no offense: shut up.
And I say that if the aftereffects cause you to think you're Queen Victoria, don't blame me.
Sarah still confounds
And I can't decide how we should classify Sarah Palin making a keynote speech at the Tea Party Convention.
This is because I am dumb enough not to know what the Tea Party is.
Maybe it has something to do with the Redskins upper office.
You never know. Team owner Dan Snyder might give Sarah a top cheerleader's contract.
If she can find FedEx Stadium.
Ben Beagle's column will run in Monday's Extra.
